farnam: (Default)
I am 100% out of cope.

yesterday morning I thought I could cope, because I hadn't tried yet. I phoned work and asked to come back off sick leave - no more reason to stay out, if things aren't going to change. Work made an appointment for me to see occupational health for the 22nd to assess if I'm fit enough to come back. Yesterday I thought that was good, today I think there is no point going for that appointment. There is not a chance in hell.

Since I got home from the hospital wednesday night I've eaten twice - a pizza Susan bought for me, and a bean-burger in First Out last night, except I was too tired to eat the second meal, it kept going up my nose instead of down my throat as my throat spasamed instead of swalloing properly, and I just threw it up again.
I know I should eat, not in a hungry-hungry way, just in a logical 'eating is sensible' kind of way, but I cannot stand without the crutches long enough to open the tin of beans, or pop the toast in the toaster, so not eating becomes the easier option, and I know that can't be helping with the daily worsening weakness.

I got out of the hospital wednesday night, felt like death, and slept after the pizza. Yesterday I stayed in bed all day, and then headed out to the usual meet-up. Big mistake. even only 2 weeks ago it would have been the sensible thing to do. Yes, the yourney is hard, and takes me an hour and a half instead of half an hour that it should, but once I get there I can just sit down and have people bring me what I need. It actually is easier than cooking at home. The First Out staff are lovely and know me well. Except I couldn't get there. I just couldn't walk even the tiny short distances between tube conections. I ended up lying on the street, phoning friends and asking them to come and get me. I sat for an hour, tried to eat, and headed home. Except I ended up lying on the street within yards of the pub, and deciding that the 20 quid for a taxi was worth it, because it was that or an ambulance. I wasn't getting up again. Friends had to call the taxi, and the taxi driver had to pick me up and put me in it.

Thismorning I tried going to the shop accross the road for some urgently needed cat litter. The shop is right across the road from my house. it took me three quarters of an hour and I had to lie on my floor in the hallway and just shake when I got back.

This afternoon I had wanted to meet Conan for coffee somewhere in town, and thisevening I wanted to go to the gay kiss-in. Tomorrow I wanted to go to the Hat party. I'm profoundly realising that none of these things are options. Not unless I use taxies door to door, which I cannot afford.

But if I cannot travel from one place to another on a simple short journey that just involves sitting down and socialising at the other end, then how the FUCK am I going to get back to work? I feel profoundly angry right now, and all out of cope. Its probably good that my arms are too weak at the moment to lift a hammer, because if I could I'd smash the shit out of the universe. This is not fair!
farnam: (Default)

I just tried to log on to work. I need info for an essay I'm writing.  And I got told:

HTTP Status 503 - There are too many simultaneous logins - please wait and try again.


I'm sorry - WTF?

Someone tell me is it or is it not the New Year holiday weekend?

The incapacity of the work servers are a long running story, but this is ridiculous. I'm guessing that the server is just down at the moment, not that all staff and students are trying to log in at the same time.


I did it

Dec. 20th, 2006 10:45 am
farnam: (Default)
No more job.

Unfortunatly I have to work notice until February, but at least there is an end in sight.

It's 1am

Nov. 6th, 2006 01:02 am
farnam: (Default)
I start back at work in the morning after my 2 weeks off. I'm not looking forward to it. So why did I stay up late messing around on the internet?
farnam: (Default)
So I'm leaving the office in about an hour and won't be back until Tuesday 29th August. Woohoo! Three whole weeks. The first week I'm actually working form home and have a funding aplication to work on, but hay, thats still a lot more relaxing htan making it in the the office every day. And then of course Sunday week I'm off to Itally.
Now if I could only magically deal with the fact that Johns parents are comming tonight and the house is, as always, filthy, I could de-stress a little more.

its hot

Jul. 19th, 2006 03:17 pm
farnam: (Default)
I'm working so hard here in my hot stuffy office, can't you see? Really must get busy.

I'm just back from getting my x-rays carried out and am in a generally disgrunteled mood. I'm just sick of being sick, and tests with bad results.

When I'm presidnet of the world I think I'll make it maditory that any time the temperature tops 26 degrees that all offices close and free transport is provided to the beach for all workers.
Roll on the revolution!
farnam: (Default)
Another wet grey Monday morning. Did somebody forget to explain to the weather what summertime means?

Well, I spoke to the boss thismorning about being under the weather, in every sense and explained why I've been arriving late and going early so much. I'm glad I did. Felt like a whinging schoolkid when I was doing it 'but teacher, I can't do my homework 'cause I'm weely weely sick'
but in fiarness he didn't have a problem with it and at least now he knows this isn't the normal me.

First Entry

Apr. 3rd, 2006 12:14 am
farnam: (Default)
Why on earth have I just spent the last half hour registering for this live journal? Any excuse to do something non-work related, I suppose. And now its after midnight so I really need to go to bed. The earlier I get into work in the morning the more I will get done before the groups are in on top of me and the more chance that I will be some way together for hte dreaded meeting with beauty and the beast in the afternoon.
Only one more week in the torture chamber anyway, and then I finally get to leave. For ever. Hooray! How long before I moan just as much about my new job?

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